It’s been an interesting couple of months.
Since making the decision to become a Desire Map licensee and taking the leap to put myself out there and facilitate my own Desire Map workshops, things have been moving VERY fast. It’s definitely a good sign and confirmation that I am firmly “in the flow” and fully connected to my higher self, my higher purpose and the work I am meant to do in the world. But it’s pretty intense too!
Sometimes I feel like it’s all I can do to hold on for dear life! I have a to-do list 10 miles long. There is so much I WANT to do in the world. But it’s actually stronger than just wanting – like I don’t have the desires – but the desires have ME!
So I just have to do my best to saddle up and try to direct this incredible flow of energy into something productive and helpful. I feel like a little girl trying to maintain control of a fire hose. The inspiration often comes faster than I can harness it and direct it.
THEN on top of all that, there is the nitty-gritty of putting on a workshop in May AND a Retreat in November.
So lately I’ve been “buckling down” to get some “serious work done” on these 2 upcoming events, and I’ve been baffled when it feels like I’m just spinning my wheels. My internal dialogue is something like this:
“I’m so “in the flow” lately! Why aren’t things flowing when I sit down to check things off of my to-do list? UGH! What is happening to me???”
The thing I keep forgetting is that NOTHING is happening TO me. I’m creating this situation. And I have the power to get back into the flow at any moment.
I recently heard something funny from a friend who’s a long time member of a well known 12 step program. He says he is a “proud member of the society of slow learners.” Well I’m beginning to think I could be an honorary member.
How long have I KNOWN this truth that I am the creator of my reality? Duh!!!
I’ve experienced the truth of that statement hundreds of times in the last 14 years. In that course of time I’ve found my way back to “the flow” over and over and over again. It’s a practice for sure, and I’m getting better, but for some reason these last few weeks I’ve been forgetting it and finding myself back in the old habits of UN-intentional creation: creating what I DON’T want rather than what I DO. Luckily I’ve been able to find my way back – with my core desired feelings guiding the way.
***Sigh*** Maybe that puts me into the category of medium-paced learner? Maybe.
Well at least that’s progress! 😉
One thing I’ve (very slowly) learned is that what others call “procrastination” is really just a “not yet” message for me. I literally feel paralyzed like no amount of will power can get me to act on that looming project that I “should” be working on. I’ve felt this sensation my entire life and when I have listened – when I have “caved” to the procrastination, things work out great! I get to have fun in the moment AND the project falls perfectly into place – often at the last minute! Not without some work on my part, but its feels almost effortless because it just flows so easily. When I WAIT until I am TRULY inspired to act on a project, it really does come together SO much more easily and with SO much less effort than when I try to do it on a more “appropriate” time table.
So lately I’m staring up at a mountain of check lists, tasks and errands to make these Radiant Living events happen. I’m feeling this procrastination paralysis and it takes every ounce of my will power to overcome that feeling and get “busy.” And despite the fact that I KNOW what the procrastination feeling really means for me, I buckle down anyway and proceed to spin my wheels. THEN I find myself allowing negative emotions drive my actions:
Fear that I won’t get everything done in time.
Guilt for wanting to blow off responsibilities in favor of fun.
Throw in a little PTSD from school and being repeatedly admonished for “waiting until the last minute,” and it’s all enough to get a girl firmly OUT of the divine flow of creative energy.
And never mind that I KNOW with all my heart and soul that these negative emotions are the LAST place from which I should be trying to create!
So as I’ve been noticing when this happens, I’ve kept the Desire Map and my core desired feelings (CDFs) in the forefront of my mind: Flow. Connection. Freedom. Joy. Despite my best efforts to “be a good girl” and get my work done before playing, my CDFs just keep leading me elsewhere.
First they led me to blow off my to-do list and get out the art supplies for some painting (inspired by this amazing artist that I stumbled upon.) The paintings have become both a creative outlet AND a meditative practice that is helping me release the negative thoughts and get back into the flow. Then my CDFs led me to spend money that I “shouldn’t” have spent on jewelry making supplies! Working with Laura Akers on the Desire Pendants inspired me to finish some personal pieces I’d been envisioning for YEARS!
Another time recently my CDFs told me to ditch work and go looking for bugs in the backyard, or make “food art” with my 5 year old. I’ve followed my feelings back to the dance floor where my husband and I met, but life got in the way of our dancing for the last 8 years! I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how healing it’s been to get back to dancing, But that’s a whole ‘nother blog post!
The past few days, henna body art (inspired by the Truthbomb tattoo collection) has helped me get back into the flow of effortless creation. Not only is it a creative outlet to get my juices flowing, but having my CDFs written on my body has given me the most potent reminders yet to keep me on track. Seeing my henna CDFs in a crucial moment helped me to say NO to a social/familial obligation that just didn’t feel right. I normally would have sucked it up and gone – but I this time I didn’t. I took care of MY needs first and it felt GREAT! CDF tattoos for the WIN!!!
As I have actively sought out my core desired feelings in ALL of my endeavors, I have focused on “have to’s” a lot less and focused on “want to’s” a lot more. And the MAGICAL thing is that the details of the “have to’s” have been falling into place. With very little effort! The biggest effort involved was getting OUT of the rut of “responsibility” and “obligation” and into some things that others might consider “frivolous” or “selfish.” But it turns out that THAT is where my power lies. In doing the things that FEEL GOOD.
Each time I STOPPED TRYING SO HARD to do the “right” thing and decided to do the things that generated my core desired feelings, “the flow” started flowing again.
And even if you’re not sure exactly what your core desired feelings are – even if you can’t quite put your finger on them, or find the right words to describe them yet . . . you can ALWAYS do SOMETHING to feel BETTER than you’re feeling right now. You can take a nap, get out your glue gun and bedazzle some shit, take a walk, rearrange the furniture, watch mindless TV, meditate, go to dinner with friends, get a massage, have a cup of tea, play with your dog. There are a MILLION things you can do that feel better than beating your head up against the wall of creating what you DON’T want. And THAT’S where YOUR power lies.
Go do one of those things.
Let go of the guilt and the fear, and experience the magic!
Or join us in the Radiant Living with The Desire Map group to read more about my experience with the Desire Map – and share your own!
It really is a great tool for unleashing your MAGICAL POWERS of CREATION!