Tag Archives: Trust

Digging Deeper into Unschooling with Sue Patterson

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sq logo WORKSHOPIf you have begun living a life of freedom in learning, but are having a hard time balancing the “Self-Directed” aspects of Unschooling with your parental instinct to offer guidance to your children, this session might be for you:

Balancing Parental Guidance and Self-Directed Learning

Unschoolers let their children choose when, how and what they learn, what role does parental guidance play? Sometimes parents feel that offering ideas and suggestions will prevent their child from unfolding naturally. It all depends on all the intentions, emotions, and stories wrapped up in those ideas and suggestions. Children need their parents’ experience and knowledge to grow and thrive – how we share it makes all the difference! Sue will share her experience in this area and help parents explore the boundaries of guidance vs. self-directed learning.

For those of you that are finding it hard to let go of curriculum or “schooly” materials for learning, you might like:

Curriculum as a Crutch

Buy this, and your kids will be smarter! Use this, you’ll be more organized! Get this series and you will unleash their inner genius!

Or something like that. Ahh… the lure of curriculum.

Marketing has targeted our community for some time now. Advertisers realize that while we are an independent lot, we still harbor a lot of fears. And isn’t that how marketing works best? Identify the fear or the lack, and then convince people that they need the product to fill their void. It’s as if they’re handing us crutches and telling us to lean on them – when in fact, we have no weakness, no lack of opportunity. The whole world awaits our children and these crutches they offer will simply hold them back.

Pre-planned materials often inhibit learning, keeping the child from all the benefits of discovery and exploration. It keeps parents from continuing to engage and facilitate new interesting opportunities out in the world. Don’t look wistfully at those crutches – embrace freedom!

Come talk with Sue and we can discuss awesome ways kids can learn from whatever interests them!

And for all the questions you don’t get answered during the Retreat, Sue and other parents of grown Unschoolers will make up the panel for:

Veteran Unschoolers’ Q & A

Bring your questions, concerns, fears and doubts to these parents who have the benefit of time and perspective.  Come hear about their journeys as they Unschooled their children who have now left the Unschooling Nest!

Sue has so many great topics prepared for this year’s Radiant Living & Learning Retreat!  Click here and here to read more about who she is and what she has in store for us!

 

Follow these links to learn more about the Retreat and to Register.

 

LOVE YOUR RADIANT LIFE!

What does “Radiant Living” even mean???

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By 2007 life events had led me to a point where I could no longer ignore the fact that I was put on this earth to
1. learn how to confidently hear and follow my “Inner Voice of Wisdom” and
2. help others do the same.

Often I just call it “The Voice” but it goes by many names: Intuition, Instinct, Gut Feelings, Higher Self, Inner Knowing, Emotional Guidance and more.  No matter what we call it or what we believe it to be, we’ve all “heard” it at one time or another – or THOUGHT we heard it and wondered.

Sometimes we listen and sometimes we don’t.

At pivotal moments in my life, this Voice has “come through” very loud and clear as it echoed in my head.  Other times it has taken a more subtle form: gentle nudges, strong feelings, hunches, feeling “guided” to take a certain action and other hard to describe phenomena .  But however my Inner Wisdom ultimately communicates with me, it always rings true in my heart and I have learned after 41 years of “experimentation” that it’s in my best interest to listen.

We are born tuned into The Voice, but the voices of our family, teachers and other “authorities” often steer us away from listening.  Sometimes this is done subtly and sometimes with strong coercion, threats or punishment.  By the time we are grown, most of us have learned to successfully ignore or drown out our Inner Voice of Wisdom with the external voices that hold power in our lives, our communities and in our culture in general.

What does all this have to do with Alternative Education or Partnership Parenting?

For me, choosing to approach education and parenting in this way is:

  1. a result of hearing (and finally following) my Inner Voice of Wisdom
    and
  2. a means by which I can continually practice listening – and recalibrating my actions and choices to line up with my Inner Wisdom

Almost every external voice I’ve ever heard has said things like:

  • “Children are too young and inexperienced to know what they want.  They CAN’T know what’s good for them.”
  • “Learning is difficult and can only happen when children are FORCED to sit and attend to ‘unpreferred’ activities.”
  • “There are certain things EVERY child MUST know and they must learn it in the time frame and order in which ‘educational professionals’ prescribe.”
  • “We must DEMAND respect from children (without reciprocating that respect).  We should not be our children’s ‘friends’ and if we don’t discipline, punish and force our children to do certain things, they will never learn respect, responsibility or be motivated to do anything productive with their time.”

My Inner Voice of Wisdom has NEVER agreed with these ideas on education and parenting that seem to be dominant in western culture at large.  The moment I made the decision to Unschool and try parenting without using punishment, the most profound sense of Peace came over me.  I’ve learned over the years that this sense of Peace is a strong indication that my actions are coming into alignment with my Inner Wisdom that has never steered me wrong.

Of course doubts and questions have arisen as our family has made our way toward Unschooling and Partnership Parenting, but these have just been opportunities for me to practice quieting those external voices and tune into myself and my children to find the answer that is right for our family.  And when things are still unclear I seek out experienced people on this path whose voices resonate with my my own Inner Wisdom.

Trusting children is a primary component to Unschooling and Partnership Parenting.  In my experience, learning to hear, trust and follow my OWN Inner Wisdom is ESSENTIAL to learning to trust my children.  How can we ever trust THEIR Inner Wisdom if we are unwilling or unable to trust our own?

So for me, Unschooling and working toward parenting in a non-coercive way can only be accomplished if I am CONTINUALLY tuning into my Inner Voice and recalibrating my actions to line up with that Voice.

Why RADIANT Living & Learning?

I’ve found that people who live from the inside out – meaning their motivations, choices and actions come from an authority within – these people GLOW.  Their lights shine more brightly in the world.  They RADIATE beauty and confidence and love and acceptance.  We are drawn to these people because we want to be like them – maybe not precisely imitating the details of their lives – but we want to live our lives with the confidence and authenticity they do.  There is a light in each of us that is trying to shine just as brightly.

We cannot live & learn “radiantly” when we are following someone else’s agenda.  That just dims our LIGHTS or blocks them out entirely.  When we are following our Inner Wisdom, pursuing our passions and fulfilling our life purpose, we SHINE.

At Radiant Living & Learning Events you will hear from Radiant Community Members who are creating the lives they desire by following their own inner voice.

If something you read on this website resonates with YOUR Inner Voice of Wisdom or makes you pause to reconsider the way you’ve always done things, the Radiant Living Community is sure to provide more inspiration and encouragement to confidently create the life you desire for yourself and your family.

We hope you will join us ONLINE or IN PERSON soon!

Heaps of Love,

 

 

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Can limiting “screen time” HURT our kids?

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Last week I attended the Rethinking Everything Conference and was fortunate to see Dr.Peter Gray speak.  It was a highlight of the conference for me since I have enjoyed his Blog on Psychology Today for a while now.

I also highly recommend his book, Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life.KidsUsingiPad

Ever since the conference, something he said about limiting screen time has stuck in my head.  I wanted to share it since there seems to be such a push in “mainstream” parenting advice to limit children’s time in front of the various screens we now have in our homes.

Dr. Gray talked about hunter-gatherer societies and compared the way children learn in these societies with the way they learn in Sudbury Schools and in Unschooling.  In both environments children are free to play almost all the time.  Gray said that in these environments there is an “extraordinary indulgence” and trust in children ages 4 and up.  Kids choose how to spend their days and often choose to play with the tools that adults in their respective societies use.  They pretend scenarios that they see in the adult culture.  Through their (mostly unsupervised) play in mixed age groups, they are able to practice and learn many of the important skills that they will need in adulthood, from interpersonal and relationship skills to problem solving and technical skills (using the tools of their society).

Dr. Gray said, (and I’m paraphrasing from my notes) “It’s no wonder that the children in our society have a strong drive to ‘play’ on devices with screens.  Screens are tools in our society.  Parents often ask me if I recommend that they limit ‘screen time’ for their children, and I say no – limiting screen time in our culture would be like limiting ‘bow & arrow time’ for a child in a hunter-gatherer society.”

This struck me so deeply.  In the past few years I have embraced (almost fully) unlimited screen time for my 3 children, but occasionally I wonder if I “should” work harder to re-direct their attention or encourage other activities when I’m feeling like they are using screen devices too much.

I fully appreciate all the advantages of trusting our kids to make their own choices, but have worried that there might be some deleterious physical or psychological effects from using the screens.  I can see many ways that activities using screens will prepare kids for the future, but I still had that nagging doubt that resulted from always hearing about the “latest study” on screen time and ADHD or sleep disorders.

Dr. Gray’s point showed me yet another way that imposing my agenda (based on fear or influence from society) could possibly hold my kids back.  I accept without reservation the idea that trusting my children to choose how they spend their time will give my kids the gifts of self-confidence, self-regulation and trusting themselves fully, but I sometimes felt conflicted in putting this theory into practice and always honoring their choices when it came to “screen time”.

I see now that by limiting my kids’ opportunities to fully explore activities they enjoy because screens are involved, I could not only undermine their self-confidence and self-trust, but could be thwarting some learning that is preparing my child for the future.  After all there is no way to know what skills and knowledge will be useful 20 years from now, but if they continue to practice activities that utilize the tools of our society as society and technology changes, they will always be “proficient” in the current technologies and will be well placed to make the leap to the next level of advances.

I will still continue to provide opportunities for my kids to get outside, connect with nature and partake in social and other activities that don’t involve screens.  I do think balance in our activities and connection to nature is VERY important for all human beings.   But I also appreciate deeply Dr. Gray’s perspective which has quieted those nagging doubts and supported my instinct to allow my children to learn freely in the ways they choose.

Invitation to Share:
I believe that there is no ONE correct way to raise or educate children.  We each have to find what works best for our children individually and for our families as a whole.  My experience is likely to be different from yours and I believe that in sharing our experiences we can help each other find the way that fits our families’ needs best.  Please share your own observations and experiences on “screen time” with your children in the comments below.
(Or click the comment bubble at the top if you’re viewing this on the Home page.)