The Dark Side of Radiant Living

I have this TOTALLY BAD ASS friend, Melissa Williams (you should follow her!) who writes beautifully poetic posts on Facebook about re-discovering her true self and reclaiming her autonomy and freedom after an abusively controlling marriage.  10 years of not being allowed to buy paper towels or tampons.  And that’s just the tip of “the iceberg of darkness” she experienced and that still lives inside her. Darkness that she is healing from, and probably will be for some time.  And the good news for her is that chapter of her life is OVER.  She can now focus on healing and just LIVING. The fight is OVER!  She can tell her ex-husband to fuck off – he will NEVER control her again – she NEVER has to return to that prison.

I LOVE reading her posts – celebrating with her and feeling right along side her the amazing freedom she feels just buying as many g*d damn paper towels as she wants.  I join her in the catharsis she must feel as she writes her posts about standing in the cleaning isle of the grocery store and realizing, “HOLY SHIT! I CAN BUY WHATEVER CLEANING PRODUCTS I DAMN WELL PLEASE!”   I can SOOOOO relate to these small (and also HUGE) moments of realization that freedom is REAL after years of being in a kind of prison.  But I can’t really post about it.  Mostly because my “captor,” the reason I was in “prison” is my child with severe Autism.

It’s not cool to rant on Facebook about how awful lifewas before I was “set free” because the source of the awfulness was – it’s hard to even Flaws:GoodIntentionstype it – my child.  It’s true that my thoughts and beliefs about my child and his Autism are ULTIMATELY the root cause of my suffering, but when you have a kid like mine, it’s damn near impossible to see how in holy hell you could change your thoughts and beliefs ENOUGH to be set free from the hand that you’ve been dealt.

I’ve had many small (yet huge) moments like my friend in the last couple years since I’ve found more freedom than I ever thought possible.  But unlike a woman who is finally free from the control of an abusive asshole, my joyous moments of realization are tinged with guilt.

Guilt for feeling like my child created a prison in the first place.
(Although if not being able to leave the house isn’t “prison like” I don’t know what is!)

get a sitterGuilt for EVEN FEELING FREEDOM AT ALL because I know there are tens of thousands – maybe hundreds of thousands of parents like me who haven’t been able to figure out the logistics or how to afford the extra support required to get even an HOUR of freedom to go to the grocery store alone.  And “self-care?!?” Just don’t even.

Guilt because my freedom comes at a cost for my child.  Sure his basic needs are met while I’m gone or otherwise occupied, but it’s not me.  He’s not getting the extra love, patience and attention that only a mother is motivated to give.  And what if the sitter forgets to give him his medicine on time, or mixes the dose wrong, or can’t soothe his tantrum, or gives him food that can set back his recovery process, or doesn’t watch him closely enough and he elopes. (If you’re not familiar with this “side effect” of Autism, here’s an article on Elopement.)

I know ALL mothers can relate to this guilt when they leave their child with a sitter, but the more disabled the child, the longer this list of worries gets – IF you’re lucky enough to find someone at all equipped to babysit for your child in the first place.

I DO make posts and share with others my stories of triumph – how changing my beliefs about my situation helped me to eventually create the circumstances to finally experience the freedom I once thought would be impossible in this lifetime.  That IS healing and cathartic for sure, but unlike my friend, my freedom is temporary and tainted.  Although I’ve found a practical way out of this prison so I can leave the house and work and do activities with my other children, my “captor” still holds a part of my heart and mind every moment.  Turns out I didn’t really get out of prison.  I just got a day pass.

MotherhoodHeavenHellOf course this beautiful child is a source of INDESCRIBABLE LOVE and JOY in my life, but at the same time a source of unimaginable stress, and talking about the stressful parts is just too much of a buzz kill on Facebook or among friends with “typical” kids.  Hell, it’s even difficult to share with moms of kids with milder issues without feeling like I’m complaining and bringing everyone down.

 

I’ve talked about experiencing PTSD symptoms related to the extreme stress of caring for a severely disabled and sometimes violent or self-injurious child, but really in the case of StressLevelsSimilarCombatSoldierssevere Autism, it should just be called TSD since the P usually only comes when the unthinkable happens.  There IS a small chance the P could come if we are one of the few (but
growing!) number of families who achieve recovery or independent living, but in the middle of the fight it almost feels like you are fooling yourself to even entertain that thought.

No matter how hard we work for our “miracle” of independent living, there is always, in the back of my mind, the possibility that I will never be free from the responsibility of making sure this incredible human being is safe and well taken care of.  It’s a very real possibility in my awareness that I may never experience that bitter sweet “empty nest” that other parents will get to experience.

I also fear for the day when I am gone or unable to care for him and the worst part of that is: it feels unfair to ask any one person to assume that responsibility.  It even feels too burdensome to ask FOUR people to share that responsibility – so how fucked up is it that SO many Autism parents shoulder THAT kind of responsibility ALONE.

My child’s existence and way of being in the world are a gift to everyone who knows him, but unlike everyone else deeply touched by my child, I might never be able to “move on” with my life the way my friend has.  It’s undenaible that being his mother has enabled me to find indescribable levels of JOY that I would not have experienced with out the contrast of the tough times, but even ecstasy experienced while in prison is tainted by the bars.

I really try hard every day to keep my attention on the possibility that my child might one day be able to care for himself, but sometimes, like today I am reminded that no matter how much freedom I CAN experience right now and no matter how much progress I have made in changing my reality, this chapter of my life is FAR from being over.

I’m sorry to anyone for whom this blog post is a buzz kill. 😉  But as much as I know that “radiant living” is possible for ALL of us, I also know that ignoring or denying or glossing over our darkness is NOT the way to create more radiance.  So today I “went there” to acknowledge my own dark places, to heal them a little more, and to hopefully help someone else who is still in the middle of their own battle with the darkness.

Heaps of Love to you ALL,

PSYCH-K FAQs

What is PSYCH-K?FreeYourMindBird

It is a unique and direct way to change subconscious beliefs that perpetuate old, unwanted habits of thought, self-talk and behavior. It uses muscle testing + simple processes that help you communicate with your subconscious mind and change beliefs that limit your ability to realize your full potential in life.


quotation02_reversed-minHow can PSYCH-K help me?

Your subconscious programming establishes the limits of what you can achieve. 

Affirmations and other self-deveolpment tools (including Psychotherapy) help effect change at the conscious level, but often they don’t TOTALLY change our previous patterns or release ALL of our wounds from past emotional or psychological trauma. To effect change in long held patterns of behavior and thought, we must change our subconscious programming which is held in the subconscious mind in the form of beliefs.

If you are experiencing limits in creating the life you desire, chances are you have a conflict between your conscious goals and your subconscious programming. This kind of conflict can show up in your relationships, self-esteem, career, prosperity, body image, physical health and more. PSYCH-K identifies and changes your limiting subconscious beliefs so they are more in alignment with your conscious goals, thereby releasing blocks to achieving those goals.


How does PSYCH-K work?

PSYCH-K is a unique process evolving from years of brain research and hundreds of sessions with individuals and groups. It creates a receptive, “Whole-Brain State” that dramatically reduces resistance to change in the subconscious mind. The PSYCH-K muscle testing and change processes (called “Balances”) work as a kind of ‘touch screen interface’ that enable us to communicate with the subconscious mind and re-write the subconscious programming that we’ve received throughout our lives from family, authority figures, institutions, the culture at large and direct life experience.


What is a PSYCH-K Balance?

A PSYCH-K Balance is a process designed to create balanced communication with both hemispheres of the cerebral cortex. This “Whole-Brain State” is ideal for reprogramming the subconscious mind with new self-enhancing beliefs that support your goals rather than block them. The PSYCH-K facilitator uses muscle testing to determine the type of Balance your subconscious mind needs in order to access the old programming and change it. There are 7 different variations in the Balance processes.

To see an example of a Psych-K Balance, go to the 50 minute mark in this video:


How is PSYCH-K different from Hypnotherapy?
(This answer is from a Certified PSYCH-K Instructor who is also a Certified Hypnotherapist)

Hypnosis places authority in the therapist, while PSYCH-K gives equal or greater authority to the partner (client).

Hypnosis usually requires a trance state, while PSYCH-K works without such a state.

Hypnosis may have no spiritual foundation, depending on the therapist. PSYCH-K is always a spiritual process because it’s designed that way.

Hypnosis usually has no permission protocols; it’s assumed to be helpful. In PSYCH-K there are always spiritual permission protocols, i.e., contact with your Higher-Self via muscle testing, so we ensure that your belief changes are in your highest and best good, and are not well intentioned, but misguided goals, that can actually make things worse, rather than better.

In hypnosis the partner or client must disclose often painful or embarrassing personal information. In PSYCH-K, this information can remain private if the partner prefers.

PSYCH-K is more of a team process between partner and facilitator, more “do with” rather than “do to.”

At least three hypnotherapists also trained in PSYCH-K say that they typically get the same or better results in half the time (or less) using PSYCH-K instead of hypnotherapy.


What if there is not a PSYCH-K Facilitator near me?

Sessions can be done via phone, FaceTime or Skype.


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Why PSYCH-K ?

FreeYourMindBirdPSYCH-K is a transformational tool that has enabled incredible  healing and growth in my life.  It has also transformed my husband’s life AND enhanced our marriage tremendously.  The “Radiant Life” we now enjoy is the direct result of our commitment to change and grow. PSYCH-K has been the MOST powerful tool we have found to effect the change we wanted to see in our lives AND to realize our fullest potential as humans.  (Read more about our personal journey with PSYCH-K here.)

I quotation01-minwant to share this tool with the Radiant Living Community because we are ALL on the path of growth and transformation together!  When we choose to follow a life path that diverges from the mainstream, we can’t help but grow and evolve.

That evolution process is often challenging and sometimes it can be painful.  It can take a LONG time to create new habits of thought and behavior to line up with the changes we are making in your lives.  Realizing our personal vision for the life we desire can take much longer than we intend, which can lead to frustration and all sorts of “negative” feelings and experiences.

PSYCH-K is the most effective tool I have found to speed up the process of change, as well as the most painless way to effect change in our lives.  It paves the way for our vision to become reality.  It helps us quickly release “baggage” and past trauma that is holding us back – and you don’t even HAVE to talk about the trauma or re-live it – just name it and the facilitator will follow the lead of the subconscious mind to unlock the “trauma program” and re-write it.

If you’d like to learn more about PSYCH-K and how you can use it to create the life of your dreams, follow one of the links below:

 

 

Feel the LIGHT and CELEBRATE!

When we come into this physical existence, we already know ALL of the universal truths:

  • ABUNDANCE and LIMITLESSNESS and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
  • We KNOW that we are worthy of LOVE and JOY
  • We KNOW that the Universe is a SAFE place and it WILL PROVIDE everything that we need.

But as soon as we arrive on this physical plane, we start to get clear messages from those around us of the limiting beliefs that are so prevalent in the world:

  • SCARCITY and LACK and LIMITATION and FEAR
  • UNWORTHINESS and ORIGINAL SIN
  • WORRY that we won’t get what we need and that the Universe is a HOSTILE PLACE governed by chaos.

We buy into the belief that life HAS to be a struggle – that joy is something we MIGHT be worthy of (briefly) but only AFTER we struggle sufficiently.  That we aren’t inherently worthy of love and feeling good.  We learn that we have to work hard for the good stuff OR that sometimes even working hard isn’t enough and sometimes the chaos just gives us shitty stuff no matter how hard we work or try for the good stuff.

As we gain direct experience in life, these beliefs and messages get reinforced.  So after the initial “sponge” period of childhood (age 0-8ish) where our subconscious mind is programmed with all of the prevalent beliefs in our environment,  we begin to put these beliefs into practice in our lives.  We begin to “give out” these limiting ideas and beliefs with our thoughts, words and actions.  So what we “get back” from life is evidence that matches what we are giving out.

We get into a cycle of this and get stuck there in that “self-fulfilling prophecy.”  We often feel frozen there – knowing that we don’t like it* BUT not knowing how to break out of that cycle.

Eventually our life circumstances will get so unbearable that something “snaps” and we decide that we’ve had enough.  Or sometimes we hit “rock bottom,” or maybe our tolerance of the shitty stuff and shitty feelings just wears out.

THAT is the beginning of our remembering and we begin to remember the truth we were born knowing.

Sometimes it comes in one grand event but more often it comes in the smaller moments of “That’s it, I’m tired of this shit!  There’s got to be a better way.”

So we begin (or renew) our search for answers. We read books, talk to a therapist, go to a meet up, google stuff, read articles and blogs – and along the way we find nuggets of wisdom that jog our memory.  We receive messages that resonate with something deep in our hearts.  It might be something we can’t quite put our fingers on, but we just KNOW that there’s a message in it for us.  It just sounds true and it feels GOOD.  These nuggets shine a light to illuminate our path back to the truth.

So we keep searching and listening and watching for these clues.  They’re like bread crumbs along the path to help us find our way back home:
To help us remember what our True Self already knows.
To show us the way to a life of ease and joy.
A life free of fear and anxiety and worry and ALL of those unhelpful and unproductive things that feel awful.

Once we begin to find answers, that resonate with us, it’s like a light shining in the darkness.  We begin to feel better even if only for short periods.  That gives us hope and motivation to keep looking for ALL the answers we need to hear.  Eventually we hit on something that feels like THE THING we have been searching for.

Once we find THAT thing it’s like time speeds up and it feels like we’re flying!  Changes begin to happen more and more rapidly.  We begin to shift, and experience more and more of the joy and freedom we KNOW is possible, but never could have dreamed of just a short time ago.

Once this begins to happen we can look back on the time when we felt frozen in the pain, despair and unsupportive thought patterns, and it feels like that whole time was “just a moment” even though when we were in it it felt like it might never end.  It felt like we’d been frozen there forever and we might never escape.

Sometimes this process can feel like we are just taking a shot in the dark – even when we get confirmation that we’re on the “right path.”  But the nuggets of wisdom that bring us the good feelings propel us forward as we bring back the TRUTH to our awareness.  That feeling of “bringing it all back” into our conscious awareness is magical.

This path of awakening is not always linear, and often there WILL be bumps and obstacles and icky feelings along the way, but we CAN remember what we forgot.

No matter how lost we sometimes feel we ARE worth saving – even though it feels like a long shot – we CAN “have it all!”  WE DESERVE IT!


In the moments when you find an answer you’ve been seeking, or notice evidence in your life that things are shifting for you: CELEBRATE!  That helps solidify the remembering.  That helps strengthen the neural pathways in our brains for the “new” beliefs and thoughts that create and support the good stuff that we are wanting in our lives.

CELEBRATION IS WHERE IT’S AT!!!  Celebrate it ALL!

Celebrating EVERY good feeling and experience – no matter how “small” will magnify it and help you create more.

Don’t worry if it looks for feels silly!

Don’t worry if someone is watching!

You’re worth it!  More good stuff and more good feelings are TOTALLY worth the tiny moment of embarrassment.

Soon you won’t give a shit if people are watching!
All of the great stuff you are experiencing in your life will be the only thing that matters.

Heaps of Love to you ALL!

Christina

P.S. If reading this message has given you that “good feeling of remembering,” if it has resonated somewhere deep inside you – celebrate NOW!!!

Then SUBSCRIBE to read more messages like this one <3

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CELEBRATE with the song that inspired this message:

Video-a-Day #1

Here’s my first Video-a-Day video!  RL Video-Day1250x720

I had just been talking with a friend about my upcoming Radiant Living with The Desire Map Workshop and wanted to share my excitement + a little sneak preview of exactly what we will be doing on May 16 & 17.

Press play and please leave feedback in the comments below!

Video-A-Day Challenge!

RL Video-Day1250x720I’ve been wanting to venture into making some Vlog posts for Radiant Living and for a long time I resisted.  Finally serendipity intervened and I DID make two videos (I’ll post links to those below) but as I tried to continue “Vloging” I hit a brick wall.

In order to overcome my resistance and fear, I decided to challenge myself to just make a little video about SOMETHING everyday.  And I want to invite YOU to join me!  Click PLAY!

Share your videos in the Radiant Living Facebook group!  Let’s support each other!



Here’s the “Opening the Box” video that Nina helped me do to get started . . .



And some of you saw my first attempts at video on Facebook.  I’ve edited those together for a little Vlog on Talking to Kids About Alcohol.

Magical Powers of Creation

It’s been an interesting couple of months.

Since making the decision to become a Desire Map licensee and taking the leap to put myself out there and facilitate my own Desire Map gemFeelingsworkshops, things have been moving VERY fast.  It’s definitely a good sign and confirmation that I am firmly “in the flow” and fully connected to my higher self, my higher purpose and the work I am meant to do in the world.  But it’s pretty intense too!

Sometimes I feel like it’s all I can do to hold on for dear life!  I have a to-do list 10 miles long.  There is so much I WANT to do in the world.  But it’s actually stronger than just wanting – like I don’t have the desires – but the desires have ME!

So I just have to do my best to saddle up and try to direct this incredible flow of energy into something productive and helpful.  I feel like a little girl trying to maintain worthy-takecontrol of a fire hose.  The inspiration often comes faster than I can harness it and direct it.

THEN on top of all that, there is the nitty-gritty of putting on a workshop in May AND a Retreat in November.

So lately I’ve been “buckling down” to get some “serious work done” on these 2 upcoming events, and I’ve been baffled when it feels like I’m just spinning my wheels.  My internal dialogue is something like this:

“I’m so “in the flow” lately!  Why aren’t things flowing when I sit down to check things off of my to-do list? UGH! What is happening to me???”

The thing I keep forgetting is that NOTHING is happening TO me.  I’m creating this situation.  And I have the power to get back into the flow at any moment.

I recently heard something funny from a friend who’s a long time member of a well known 12 step program. He says he is a “proud member of the society of slow learners.”  Well I’m beginning to think I could be an honorary member.

How long have I KNOWN this truth that I am the creator of my reality?  Duh!!!

I’ve experienced the truth of that statement hundreds of times in the last 14 years.  In that course of time I’ve found my way back to “the flow” over and over and over again.  It’s a practice for sure, and I’m getting better, but for some reason these last few weeks I’ve been forgetting it and finding myself back in the old habits of UN-intentional creation: creating what I DON’T want rather than what I DO.  Luckily I’ve been able to find my way back – with my core desired feelings guiding the way.

***Sigh*** Maybe that puts me into the category of medium-paced learner?  Maybe.
Well at least that’s progress! 😉

One thing I’ve (very slowly) learned is that what others call “procrastination” is really just a “not yet” message for me.   I literally feel paralyzed like no amount of will power can get me to act on that looming project that I “should” be working on.  I’ve felt this sensation my entire life and when I have listened – when I have “caved” to the procrastination, things work out great!  I get to have fun in the moment AND the project falls perfectly into place – often at the last minute!  Not without some work on my part, but its feels almost effortless because it just flows so easily.  When I WAIT until I am TRULY inspired to act on a project, it really does come together SO much more easily and with SO much less effort than when I try to do it on a more “appropriate” time table.

So lately I’m staring up at a mountain of check lists, tasks and errands to make these Radiant Living events happen.  I’m feeling this procrastination paralysis and it takes every ounce of my will power to overcome that feeling and get “busy.”  And despite the fact that I KNOW what the procrastination feeling really means for me, I buckle down anyway and proceed to spin my wheels.  THEN I find myself allowing negative emotions drive my actions:

Fear that I won’t get everything done in time.

Guilt for wanting to blow off responsibilities in favor of fun.

Throw in a little PTSD from school and being repeatedly admonished for “waiting until the last minute,” and it’s all enough to get a girl firmly OUT of the divine flow of creative energy.

And never mind that I KNOW with all my heart and soul that these negative emotions are the LAST place from which I should be trying to create!

So as I’ve been noticing when this happens, I’ve kept the Desire Map and my core desired feelings (CDFs) in the forefront of my mind:  Flow. Connection. Freedom. Joy.  Despite my best efforts to “be a good girl” and get my work done before playing, my CDFs just keep leading me elsewhere.

First they led me to blow off my to-do list and get out the art supplies for some painting (inspired by this amazing artist that I stumbled upon.)  The paintings have become both a creative outlet AND a meditative practice that is helping me release the negative thoughts and get back into the flow.  Then my CDFs led me to spend money that I “shouldn’t” have spent on jewelry making supplies!  Working with Laura Akers on the Desire Pendants inspired me to finish some personal pieces I’d been envisioning for YEARS!

Another time recently my CDFs told me to ditch work and go looking for bugs in the backyard, or make “food art” with my 5 year old.  I’ve followed my feelings back to the dance floor where my husband and I met, but life got in the way of our dancing for the last 8 years!  I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how healing it’s been to get back to dancing,  But that’s a whole ‘nother blog post!

gem_reflects

The past few days, henna body art (inspired by the Truthbomb tattoo collection) has helped me get back into the flow of effortless creation.  Not only is it a creative outlet to get my juices flowing, but having my CDFs written on my body has given me the most potent reminders yet to keep me on track.  Seeing my henna CDFs in a crucial moment helped me to say NO to a social/familial obligation that just didn’t feel right.  I normally would have sucked it up and gone – but I this time I didn’t.  I took care of MY needs first and it felt GREAT!  CDF tattoos for the WIN!!!

As I have actively sought out my core desired feelings in ALL of my endeavors, I have focused on “have to’s” a lot less and focused on “want to’s” a lot more.  And the MAGICAL thing is that the details of the “have to’s” have been falling into place.  With very little effort!  The biggest effort involved was getting OUT of the rut of “responsibility” and “obligation” and into some things that others might consider “frivolous” or “selfish.”  But it turns out that THAT is where my power lies.  In doing the things that FEEL GOOD.

Each time I STOPPED TRYING SO HARD to do the “right” thing and decided to do the things that generated my core desired feelings, “the flow” started flowing again.
HELLO FIREHOSE!

And even if you’re not sure exactly what your core desired feelings are – even if you can’t quite put your finger on them, or find the right words to describe them yet . sqMagicalPowersOfCreation. . you can ALWAYS do SOMETHING to feel BETTER than you’re feeling right now.  You can take a nap, get out your glue gun and bedazzle some shit, take a walk, rearrange the furniture, watch mindless TV, meditate, go to dinner with friends, get a massage, have a cup of tea, play with your dog.  There are a MILLION things you can do that feel better than beating your head up against the wall of creating what you DON’T want.  And THAT’S where YOUR power lies.

 

Go do one of those things.
Let go of the guilt and the fear, and experience the magic!

If you want some help getting clarity on your CDFs, join us for the Desire Map workshop or grab the book and start mapping on your own.

Or join us in the Radiant Living with The Desire Map group to read more about my experience with the Desire Map – and share your own!
It really is a great tool for unleashing your MAGICAL POWERS of CREATION!

Happy Mapping!
Christina
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What does The Desire Map have to do with Unschooling?

For any of you who are wondering why you’re getting emails about this Desire Map thing-y when you signed up for an Unschooling conference, I wanted to share some specifics of how I’ve found The Desire Map to be a perfect tool to accompany Unschooling.

It also happens to be a great tool for navigating ANY area of life – and since living IS learning, any tools we find that make LIFE EASIER will make LEARNING EASIER!

We are drawn to Unschooling because we think that following this lifestyle will give us certain feelings.  (Maybe you’re seeking the feeling of freedom, or peace in the home, or feeling more connected to your kids, or . . .  YOU fill in the blank – there is NO wrong answer!)

The Desire Map can help us identify the core feelings we are seeking by choosing this lifestyle, and it shows us how to use those feelings to uncover the next logical steps on our Unschooling journeys.

Unschooling+DMUnschooing CANNOT happen successfully without a SUBSTANTIAL amount of Deschooling on the part of parents.  We have SO MUCH programming to undo from a LIFETIME of living in a culture that highly values the school centric model of education.  Not just 12 years of school programming, but MANY decades of cultural programming that runs DEEP.

Our culture takes for granted that education and learning happen a certain way and have to follow certain structures.  We collectively believe that academic subjects are more valuable than “non-academic” subjects, and that knowledge must be divided up into these “digestible” subjects for learning to even be possible!

I could go on and on with the cultural beliefs that Unschooling challenges, but I think we can all agree there are MANY.  Most of us need help with this process of Deschooling and of clarifying the steps that are best for our family to take to move toward Unschooling – since for most of us this it is uncharted territory!

Humans are in the habit (both consciously and subconsciously) of following the default cultural norms and ideas.  When we begin to let go of these beliefs that are so ingrained in our culture (and in us!) we can feel a little lost – floating out in a sea of endless possibilities which can be freeing, but also very overwhelming and frightening.

We can talk to other families or read about others’ Deschooling and Unschooling experiences and that can DEFINITELY be helpful, but invariably our lives and our children will present unique challenges.

Rather than relying on “external” answers from others or clinging to yet another educational or parenting “dogma,”  I’ve found that turning inward (and helping our kids do the same) is a MUCH more effective and efficient approach to creating the life we envision.

The Desire Map facilitates this process of turning inward.

It helps us dig deep to uncover the core desired feelings that we are hoping Unschooling will give us.  It helps us figure out how to USE our core desired feelings to guide our daily plans, to-do lists and actions.

And the good news is that when we let our feelings guide our daily actions, we actually accomplish our REAL goals (those feelings) RIGHT AWAY!  We don’t have to wait until we are “full fledged Unschoolers” or “perfect” parents to feel the way we want to feel.  We can feel that way NOW – even if it’s just in small, fleeting moments at first – we achieve “success” WAY before the grand goal is achieved.  And we can build on those small successes to feel the way we WANT to feel more and more and more often as the days go by.

As we use this process we find that we have to look outside of ourselves less and less for advice and guidance.  We HAVE the guidance we need – inside each one of us – and we can access it at any time in the form or our feelings.  When issues come up with Unschooling or parenting or anything else in life, we have a tool to figure out the next steps that are RIGHT for ourselves and our families.

How do our kids benefit?

Well aside from just the general benefits of Unschooling and a more peaceful home, our kids learn from our example. As we learn to access the inner guidance of our feelings, and begin to use them more and more to make decisions, our kids see us and learn how to do this as well.

(That is IF they even NEED to re-learn it – we are ALL born knowing how to do this, but it is trained out of most of us – and many of our kids need MUCH less help getting back to doing things this way).

As we learn to trust ourselves, it becomes easier and easier to trust our kids to guide their own lives and educations – even when the path they choose does not conform to societal and educational norms, timelines and expectations.

Now The Desire Map is certainly NOT the ONLY method of learning to access and use this inner guidance.

I’ve spent the last 14 years figuring out this process for myself to create the life and the feelings I desire.  It CAN be done in many different ways by following many different processes. (Believe me!  I’ve studied and pieced together MANY different philosophies to accomplish this!) 😉  But with The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte has created a nurturing and self-affirming process to peel back the layers of our desires and uncover what it is at our core that drives us.  Then she helps us use these discoveries to guide our daily actions and ultimately accomplish our long term goals.

And once we’ve learned this Desire Map process, we can use it over and over as time goes on, as our desires grow and develop and as our family’s needs change.

So whether your goal is Unschooling or something else entirely, Desire Map can help us ALL dig down past our cultural conditioning of how “THEY” say we SHOULD be living, and find our core desired feelings that are telling us how to find a more authentic and enjoyable life – unique to each one of us!

If you’re interested in learning more about Radiant Living with The Desire Map, you can join our Facebook group for inspiration, to hear about my Desire Mapping process and to hear about upcoming Radiant Living with The Desire Map offerings.Unschooling with the Desire Map

I am planning in-person and virtual Desire Map workshops this spring and summer.  If you’re more of a “self-study” kind of person you can get the book and begin “Mapping” yourself now!

We would love to hear about your experiences with The Desire Map in the Facebook group.  It can be like a virtual Desire Map book club.

Ask questions.  Share your doubts and skepticism.  Share your joys.  Whatever feels good to share – share it!

I’m looking forward to what unfolds for all of us that decide to dive into this process!  If you’re drawn to The Desire Map at all, check it out here and let me know what you think! (email me HERE or message me on Facebook HERE.)

Heaps of Love,
Christina

Radiant Living with The Desire Map Unschooling Conference Intuition

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When was the last time someone asked you: “How do you want to feel”?

Dear Ones,TDM-LicenseeBadge-Vertical

I stumbled upon Danielle LaPorte a few years ago quite by accident but instantly I KNEW this woman would somehow have a HUGE impact on my life and my work.

Danielle’s work has helped me become more MYSELF, giving me courage to acknowledge my Life’s Purpose and claim my place as a teacher and “lightworker.”  Her work has helped me to clarify my goals and figure out my own unique way to achieve them.

So when I saw that Danielle had created a workshop based on her book, The Desire Map, I immediately said YES!
And I am super excited to share this wonderful tool with you.

The Desire Map is not just a book. It’s the flame that sparked a revolution of feeling good and living free.

Are you ready for soul liberation?

How about some Goals with Soul?

We go through our lives dreaming dreams, making plans and setting goals hoping that once we accomplish them we will finally feel the way we want to feel: Joy, Freedom, Peace, [Insert Your Favorite Positive Emotion Here].

The trouble is that we’re going about it backwards.

When we first get clear on how we want to feel (our “core desired feelings”) then THAT will inform our plans, our to-do lists, even what our dreams look like.  When we let our core desired feelings guide the way, we are able to stay on course – and find the RIGHT course to begin with!

Read more about The Desire Map on DanielleLaporte.com

Our first Radiant Living with The Desire Map Workshop in the Dallas area is in the works for May 16 & 17, 2015.  Registration is open until May 10th.

Shortly after the live workshop we will hold a virtual workshop for those of you that are far away.  

To find out when workshop details are announced, you can either join the Radiant Living with The Desire Map group on Facebook OR send me an email here.  I will make sure you get all the deets as soon as they’re settled! (edit: Here are the deets!)

If you’d like to check out The Desire Map book in the meantime, click here:
The Desire Map book.

NOTE:
Plan for aha’s and alleluias. After clarifying and declaring their core desired feelings, people have been known to make changes.

You may quit stuff, launch something, stand up, shine brighter, ask for more.

Looking forward to mapping with y’all!

Heaps of Love,
Christina

Screens, “Doing Nothing” and Being “Behind”

From a question in the Unschooling Special Needs group on Facebook.  Reposted here with permission from the original poster quoted.

The original question was (in part) about her child who Homeschooled for several years, but the struggle over school work was too much so she sent her child back to school.  He thrived for 2 years in “positive private schools,” but once he had to change to a public charter school, much of the progress he had made was lost.  They’ve begun Homeschooling again, but here’s what mom says about it:

“Homeschooling sucks. The only thing my son will do is listen to stories. He can read himself but will only do so at bedtime. It is video games and if I try to moderate and take him off he will literally do nothing all day. I have to be online a lot of the day and if he sees me online he wants to be able to use electronics too. I am so heartbroken . . . .  He is a zombie at home. And he is “behind” on a lot of math skills for his age.”

There was also a post from someone else in that group the day before, asking for help in letting go of arbitrary limits on “screen time.”  The problem for her was that even watching 1-3 shows seem to correlate with out of control tantrums.

Here’s my response to both of these posts:

Unschooling is trusting your child to show you the way they learn best – and then LISTENING TO and HONORING THAT.

If a child is drawn to screens it’s because they are getting something from it.  When we can look past the “evil screen” and see that the screen is actually a window to a wider world of experiences, it is easier to see what kids might be getting out of it, and see what they are learning from the activity that just happens to be delivered through this vehicle we call a screen. 

Now I know some people say the screen itself has negative neurological consequences for their child, and that might be true in the case of a very few kids with neurological differences or other special needs, but often times we parents blame the thing we don’t like for the behavior we don’t like. 

If we’re already biased against “screens” (or television content or video games or another “unacademic” thing) then it’s much more likely that we will see connections between that awful thing and the awful behavior or symptom.  When we can step back and more objectively look at the situation and behavior, it might become clear that there are many contributing factors, and screens might or might not be among them.

Another thing that often happens with a bias against screens (or anything else deemed “unacademic” like listening to a story instead of reading it) is that we will see activities involving screens as inferior to activities that are traditionally considered educational.  We will then blame these “unacademic” activities for any behavior or result that we perceive as negative.  (Doing nothing, being behind – again a judgement that seen through a different lens wouldn’t be negative.)

EVEN “special needs” kids can be trusted to show us how they learn best.  Even my “barely verbal” 7 year old who has yet to potty train and can tantrum like a PRO can show me what he needs.

But I’ve had to learn to listen in a different way than I would listen to my other kids (or really to every other human being I’ve ever dealt with in my life) so it’s a steep learning curve for ME, but that’s just it – MY lesson to learn. 

It’s MY work to let go of my biases – whether they are about screens, or math exercises or reading “on time” or the importance of college or when it seems my kids are “doing nothing” all day or the zillion other things Unschooling parents worry about when their kid is “behind” according to mainstream educational standards.

In actuality there is no such thing as “behind.” There’s just where you are – where your kid IS. A wise woman, Danelle LaPorte once said “Comparison kills.” When I read that I said “YES that’s IT!  It’s the key to SO much of the trouble parents have with Unschooling.  Ms. LaPorte was talking about the difficulty that arises when we compare ourselves to others but it applies to EVERYTHING and ESPECIALLY children. Comparison is damaging. Period.

Whether we’re comparing siblings against each other, or students in a 3rd grade class, or all 8 year olds in the world, or my yoga pose to the teacher’s pose, or my car or house to my neighbors’ . . . comparison to another person is NEVER helpful. Even when we compare and think we’re better, or our child is better, we create a FALSE sense of superiority.

If we simply work with what we have right in front of us, and take the LONG view (not assessing progress in days or weeks, but in YEARS) we can relax and live in the moment. We can SEE our children better. We can hear THEIR NEEDS more easily. If we want to truly honor our child and THEIR natural way of learning and growing and developing, we have to work hard to let go of our biases and baggage. We have to stop comparing them to any on else and REALLY SEE the child in front of us.

Unschooling is both easier AND more challenging than school-at-home Homeschooling.

It’s easier because the battle between you and your child is diffused. But the internal battle for parents is often intensified. The battle between our instinct and what society has taught us is “responsible parenting” or “appropriate education” is often a daily or even hourly challenge. 

Unschooling is also harder sometimes because we can’t just follow a prescribed set of beliefs about education and we can’t just use a curriculum straight out of the box to make sure “all the bases are covered.”  We have to follow and TRUST our children’s way.  They WILL cover all of the “bases” that are important to THEM.  We have to trust that other “bases” will be covered when the child sees a need.  When the child’s life experience has caused them to ask the questions and develop genuine curiosity about that topic.

Unschooling is hard for many of us because we have to put faith in the process and detach from the outcome.  We have to take a leap of faith that many around us will say is “crazy.”

But Unschooling is MUCH EASIER than Homeschooling once we do a certain amount of work on that internal battle and let go of our biases, programming and brainwashed beliefs that certain subjects or vehicles of learning are superior or inferior to others.  

Once we are more comfortable with following our instincts AND our kids’ instincts Unschooling becomes just an exercise in managing the flow, finding the right resources for our kids and then letting them expand and grow in their own way and in their own time.  No pressure to perform or measure up against anyone else.  The only measure of success in Unschooling is the amount of JOY we and our kids are able to experience!