When “self-care” is a 4 letter word . . .
Inspired by friends who have been encouraging me to share my own healing and self-care practices and processes! Here’s video #1!
When we come into this physical existence, we already know ALL of the universal truths:
- ABUNDANCE and LIMITLESSNESS and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
- We KNOW that we are worthy of LOVE and JOY
- We KNOW that the Universe is a SAFE place and it WILL PROVIDE everything that we need.
But as soon as we arrive on this physical plane, we start to get clear messages from those around us of the limiting beliefs that are so prevalent in the world:
- SCARCITY and LACK and LIMITATION and FEAR
- UNWORTHINESS and ORIGINAL SIN
- WORRY that we won’t get what we need and that the Universe is a HOSTILE PLACE governed by chaos.
We buy into the belief that life HAS to be a struggle – that joy is something we MIGHT be worthy of (briefly) but only AFTER we struggle sufficiently. That we aren’t inherently worthy of love and feeling good. We learn that we have to work hard for the good stuff OR that sometimes even working hard isn’t enough and sometimes the chaos just gives us shitty stuff no matter how hard we work or try for the good stuff.
As we gain direct experience in life, these beliefs and messages get reinforced. So after the initial “sponge” period of childhood (age 0-8ish) where our subconscious mind is programmed with all of the prevalent beliefs in our environment, we begin to put these beliefs into practice in our lives. We begin to “give out” these limiting ideas and beliefs with our thoughts, words and actions. So what we “get back” from life is evidence that matches what we are giving out.
We get into a cycle of this and get stuck there in that “self-fulfilling prophecy.” We often feel frozen there – knowing that we don’t like it* BUT not knowing how to break out of that cycle.
Eventually our life circumstances will get so unbearable that something “snaps” and we decide that we’ve had enough. Or sometimes we hit “rock bottom,” or maybe our tolerance of the shitty stuff and shitty feelings just wears out.
THAT is the beginning of our remembering and we begin to remember the truth we were born knowing.
Sometimes it comes in one grand event but more often it comes in the smaller moments of “That’s it, I’m tired of this shit! There’s got to be a better way.”
So we begin (or renew) our search for answers. We read books, talk to a therapist, go to a meet up, google stuff, read articles and blogs – and along the way we find nuggets of wisdom that jog our memory. We receive messages that resonate with something deep in our hearts. It might be something we can’t quite put our fingers on, but we just KNOW that there’s a message in it for us. It just sounds true and it feels GOOD. These nuggets shine a light to illuminate our path back to the truth.
So we keep searching and listening and watching for these clues. They’re like bread crumbs along the path to help us find our way back home:
To help us remember what our True Self already knows.
To show us the way to a life of ease and joy.
A life free of fear and anxiety and worry and ALL of those unhelpful and unproductive things that feel awful.
Once we begin to find answers, that resonate with us, it’s like a light shining in the darkness. We begin to feel better even if only for short periods. That gives us hope and motivation to keep looking for ALL the answers we need to hear. Eventually we hit on something that feels like THE THING we have been searching for.
Once we find THAT thing it’s like time speeds up and it feels like we’re flying! Changes begin to happen more and more rapidly. We begin to shift, and experience more and more of the joy and freedom we KNOW is possible, but never could have dreamed of just a short time ago.
Once this begins to happen we can look back on the time when we felt frozen in the pain, despair and unsupportive thought patterns, and it feels like that whole time was “just a moment” even though when we were in it it felt like it might never end. It felt like we’d been frozen there forever and we might never escape.
Sometimes this process can feel like we are just taking a shot in the dark – even when we get confirmation that we’re on the “right path.” But the nuggets of wisdom that bring us the good feelings propel us forward as we bring back the TRUTH to our awareness. That feeling of “bringing it all back” into our conscious awareness is magical.
This path of awakening is not always linear, and often there WILL be bumps and obstacles and icky feelings along the way, but we CAN remember what we forgot.
No matter how lost we sometimes feel we ARE worth saving – even though it feels like a long shot – we CAN “have it all!” WE DESERVE IT!
In the moments when you find an answer you’ve been seeking, or notice evidence in your life that things are shifting for you: CELEBRATE! That helps solidify the remembering. That helps strengthen the neural pathways in our brains for the “new” beliefs and thoughts that create and support the good stuff that we are wanting in our lives.
CELEBRATION IS WHERE IT’S AT!!! Celebrate it ALL!
Celebrating EVERY good feeling and experience – no matter how “small” will magnify it and help you create more.
Don’t worry if it looks for feels silly!
Don’t worry if someone is watching!
You’re worth it! More good stuff and more good feelings are TOTALLY worth the tiny moment of embarrassment.
Soon you won’t give a shit if people are watching!
All of the great stuff you are experiencing in your life will be the only thing that matters.
Heaps of Love to you ALL!
P.S. If reading this message has given you that “good feeling of remembering,” if it has resonated somewhere deep inside you – celebrate NOW!!!
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CELEBRATE with the song that inspired this message:
So much gratitude for everyone participating in the Video-A-Day Challenge!
I have been so inspired by your courage to just get out there in one take or two – imperfections and all. We are all PERFECTLY imperfect!!!
I had just been talking with a friend about my upcoming Radiant Living with The Desire Map Workshop and wanted to share my excitement + a little sneak preview of exactly what we will be doing on May 16 & 17.
Press play and please leave feedback in the comments below!
I’ve been wanting to venture into making some Vlog posts for Radiant Living and for a long time I resisted. Finally serendipity intervened and I DID make two videos (I’ll post links to those below) but as I tried to continue “Vloging” I hit a brick wall.
In order to overcome my resistance and fear, I decided to challenge myself to just make a little video about SOMETHING everyday. And I want to invite YOU to join me! Click PLAY!
Share your videos in the Radiant Living Facebook group! Let’s support each other!
Here’s the “Opening the Box” video that Nina helped me do to get started . . .
And some of you saw my first attempts at video on Facebook. I’ve edited those together for a little Vlog on Talking to Kids About Alcohol.
It’s been an interesting couple of months.
Since making the decision to become a Desire Map licensee and taking the leap to put myself out there and facilitate my own Desire Map workshops, things have been moving VERY fast. It’s definitely a good sign and confirmation that I am firmly “in the flow” and fully connected to my higher self, my higher purpose and the work I am meant to do in the world. But it’s pretty intense too!
Sometimes I feel like it’s all I can do to hold on for dear life! I have a to-do list 10 miles long. There is so much I WANT to do in the world. But it’s actually stronger than just wanting – like I don’t have the desires – but the desires have ME!
So I just have to do my best to saddle up and try to direct this incredible flow of energy into something productive and helpful. I feel like a little girl trying to maintain control of a fire hose. The inspiration often comes faster than I can harness it and direct it.
THEN on top of all that, there is the nitty-gritty of putting on a workshop in May AND a Retreat in November.
So lately I’ve been “buckling down” to get some “serious work done” on these 2 upcoming events, and I’ve been baffled when it feels like I’m just spinning my wheels. My internal dialogue is something like this:
“I’m so “in the flow” lately! Why aren’t things flowing when I sit down to check things off of my to-do list? UGH! What is happening to me???”
The thing I keep forgetting is that NOTHING is happening TO me. I’m creating this situation. And I have the power to get back into the flow at any moment.
I recently heard something funny from a friend who’s a long time member of a well known 12 step program. He says he is a “proud member of the society of slow learners.” Well I’m beginning to think I could be an honorary member.
How long have I KNOWN this truth that I am the creator of my reality? Duh!!!
I’ve experienced the truth of that statement hundreds of times in the last 14 years. In that course of time I’ve found my way back to “the flow” over and over and over again. It’s a practice for sure, and I’m getting better, but for some reason these last few weeks I’ve been forgetting it and finding myself back in the old habits of UN-intentional creation: creating what I DON’T want rather than what I DO. Luckily I’ve been able to find my way back – with my core desired feelings guiding the way.
***Sigh*** Maybe that puts me into the category of medium-paced learner? Maybe.
Well at least that’s progress! 😉
One thing I’ve (very slowly) learned is that what others call “procrastination” is really just a “not yet” message for me. I literally feel paralyzed like no amount of will power can get me to act on that looming project that I “should” be working on. I’ve felt this sensation my entire life and when I have listened – when I have “caved” to the procrastination, things work out great! I get to have fun in the moment AND the project falls perfectly into place – often at the last minute! Not without some work on my part, but its feels almost effortless because it just flows so easily. When I WAIT until I am TRULY inspired to act on a project, it really does come together SO much more easily and with SO much less effort than when I try to do it on a more “appropriate” time table.
So lately I’m staring up at a mountain of check lists, tasks and errands to make these Radiant Living events happen. I’m feeling this procrastination paralysis and it takes every ounce of my will power to overcome that feeling and get “busy.” And despite the fact that I KNOW what the procrastination feeling really means for me, I buckle down anyway and proceed to spin my wheels. THEN I find myself allowing negative emotions drive my actions:
Fear that I won’t get everything done in time.
Guilt for wanting to blow off responsibilities in favor of fun.
Throw in a little PTSD from school and being repeatedly admonished for “waiting until the last minute,” and it’s all enough to get a girl firmly OUT of the divine flow of creative energy.
And never mind that I KNOW with all my heart and soul that these negative emotions are the LAST place from which I should be trying to create!
So as I’ve been noticing when this happens, I’ve kept the Desire Map and my core desired feelings (CDFs) in the forefront of my mind: Flow. Connection. Freedom. Joy. Despite my best efforts to “be a good girl” and get my work done before playing, my CDFs just keep leading me elsewhere.
First they led me to blow off my to-do list and get out the art supplies for some painting (inspired by this amazing artist that I stumbled upon.) The paintings have become both a creative outlet AND a meditative practice that is helping me release the negative thoughts and get back into the flow. Then my CDFs led me to spend money that I “shouldn’t” have spent on jewelry making supplies! Working with Laura Akers on the Desire Pendants inspired me to finish some personal pieces I’d been envisioning for YEARS!
Another time recently my CDFs told me to ditch work and go looking for bugs in the backyard, or make “food art” with my 5 year old. I’ve followed my feelings back to the dance floor where my husband and I met, but life got in the way of our dancing for the last 8 years! I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how healing it’s been to get back to dancing, But that’s a whole ‘nother blog post!
The past few days, henna body art (inspired by the Truthbomb tattoo collection) has helped me get back into the flow of effortless creation. Not only is it a creative outlet to get my juices flowing, but having my CDFs written on my body has given me the most potent reminders yet to keep me on track. Seeing my henna CDFs in a crucial moment helped me to say NO to a social/familial obligation that just didn’t feel right. I normally would have sucked it up and gone – but I this time I didn’t. I took care of MY needs first and it felt GREAT! CDF tattoos for the WIN!!!
As I have actively sought out my core desired feelings in ALL of my endeavors, I have focused on “have to’s” a lot less and focused on “want to’s” a lot more. And the MAGICAL thing is that the details of the “have to’s” have been falling into place. With very little effort! The biggest effort involved was getting OUT of the rut of “responsibility” and “obligation” and into some things that others might consider “frivolous” or “selfish.” But it turns out that THAT is where my power lies. In doing the things that FEEL GOOD.
Each time I STOPPED TRYING SO HARD to do the “right” thing and decided to do the things that generated my core desired feelings, “the flow” started flowing again.
And even if you’re not sure exactly what your core desired feelings are – even if you can’t quite put your finger on them, or find the right words to describe them yet . . . you can ALWAYS do SOMETHING to feel BETTER than you’re feeling right now. You can take a nap, get out your glue gun and bedazzle some shit, take a walk, rearrange the furniture, watch mindless TV, meditate, go to dinner with friends, get a massage, have a cup of tea, play with your dog. There are a MILLION things you can do that feel better than beating your head up against the wall of creating what you DON’T want. And THAT’S where YOUR power lies.
Go do one of those things.
Let go of the guilt and the fear, and experience the magic!
Or join us in the Radiant Living with The Desire Map group to read more about my experience with the Desire Map – and share your own!
It really is a great tool for unleashing your MAGICAL POWERS of CREATION!
How do you want to feel?
In your heart, your body, your career?
When you wake up in the morning,
when you speak your mind,
when you go after what you want?
THE DESIRE MAP is a program
(self-study, workshop or 1-on-1 coaching)
for clarifying what you truly want in every area of your life, and using that powerful awareness to guide your choices from now on.
You will leave this workshop knowing your “core desired feelings” – a guidance system for your decision-making. A GPS for your soul.
We’ll look at our perceptions around “feelings” and goal setting.
We’ll examine how we drive and strive, and see where in our lives we experience freedom — and where we want more of it.
You will be guided through 5 life areas, to explore your most desired feelings in:
- Lifestyle + Livelihood
- Creativity + Learning
- Body + Wellness
- Relationships + Society
- Essence + Spirituality
We will create sacred space, inner and outer – an altar, backed by a great music playlist and tied together with shared intentions.
We’re going to burn limiting beliefs (figuratively and literally.)
We will offer up our own wisdom, relate, and learn from each other — like women (and some very cool dudes) always do.
You will make some soul-anchored declarations and attach them to some every day PLANS.
Poetic to the practical.
The Spring Workshop is limited to 15 spaces.
Join me and 14 other Souls to dig deep and launch a new chapter of creating (or stepping up) the RADIANT LIFE YOU DESIRE.
Radiant Living with the Desire Map – Spring 2015
A 2 day in person course for discovering your core desired feelings … and lighting up your life!
Date: May 16 & 17
Time: 10am – 6pm
Place: Garland, TX
- 2 days of time and space dedicated solely to LOVING YOURSELF and investing in your RADIANT LIFE!
- The schedule is packed with opportunities and exercises for self discovery, personal growth and releasing limiting beliefs. There will also be plenty of time for connecting and supporting each other through fears, joys, tears and laughter. And just visiting and having fun with fellow “seekers.”
- A lovely catered luncheon both days
- Wine, fruit and cheese “happy hour” both days
- The Desire Map Workbook
- A goody bag packed with gifts to pamper you now AND to support your continued journey after the workshop.
- A “Desire Pendant” you create yourself at the workshop. Jewelry designer Laura Akers will lead us through this process during our happy hour on Sunday!
ends May 10th.
Not sure about the Workshop?
Join the Radiant Living with The Desire Map Facebook group to ask questions and hear more about others’ experiences with The Desire Map.
Self-Study more your style?
Get The Desire Map Book
Plan for aha’s and alleluias. After declaring their core desired feelings, people have been known to make changes.
You may quit stuff, launch something, stand up, shine brighter, ask for more.
You may feel the way you’ve always wanted to.
Heaps of Love,
Christina and the Radiant Team
My Core Desired Feelings:
~ Freedom ~ Joy ~ Connection ~ Flow ~
At the heart of it all? A commitment to feeling good.
Cynics would say that choosing to place your focus on feeling good is silly – maybe, even selfish.
But I (and thousands of other Desire Mappers around the globe) know better. Because who wants to live a life that doesn’t feel good?
Who wants to work in a job that sucks their life force?
Who wants to be in relationships where they don’t feel nourished and honored?
Who wants to feel bored in their own life?
Not me. And I’m pretty sure, not you.
The Desire Map helps me make better choices by making decisions based on my core desired feelings. And that boils down to living a life that feels good to live.
I’ve watched Danielle LaPorte’s books inspire major transformation in my own life and in the lives of many others. I believe in this material.
I don’t believe we’re on this planet to live unfulfilled lives, or to let our potential go unrealized.
I DO believe that we’re each here to design a life that feels good.
Feel good at work, in your clothes, in your relationships, in your heart.
Or join our Facebook Group: Radiant Desire where you can learn more about my experience with Danielle LaPorte’s work and hear from others exploring The Desire Map process.
Heaps of Love,
For any of you who are wondering why you’re getting emails about this Desire Map thing-y when you signed up for an Unschooling conference, I wanted to share some specifics of how I’ve found The Desire Map to be a perfect tool to accompany Unschooling.
It also happens to be a great tool for navigating ANY area of life – and since living IS learning, any tools we find that make LIFE EASIER will make LEARNING EASIER!
We are drawn to Unschooling because we think that following this lifestyle will give us certain feelings. (Maybe you’re seeking the feeling of freedom, or peace in the home, or feeling more connected to your kids, or . . . YOU fill in the blank – there is NO wrong answer!)
The Desire Map can help us identify the core feelings we are seeking by choosing this lifestyle, and it shows us how to use those feelings to uncover the next logical steps on our Unschooling journeys.
Unschooing CANNOT happen successfully without a SUBSTANTIAL amount of Deschooling on the part of parents. We have SO MUCH programming to undo from a LIFETIME of living in a culture that highly values the school centric model of education. Not just 12 years of school programming, but MANY decades of cultural programming that runs DEEP.
Our culture takes for granted that education and learning happen a certain way and have to follow certain structures. We collectively believe that academic subjects are more valuable than “non-academic” subjects, and that knowledge must be divided up into these “digestible” subjects for learning to even be possible!
I could go on and on with the cultural beliefs that Unschooling challenges, but I think we can all agree there are MANY. Most of us need help with this process of Deschooling and of clarifying the steps that are best for our family to take to move toward Unschooling – since for most of us this it is uncharted territory!
Humans are in the habit (both consciously and subconsciously) of following the default cultural norms and ideas. When we begin to let go of these beliefs that are so ingrained in our culture (and in us!) we can feel a little lost – floating out in a sea of endless possibilities which can be freeing, but also very overwhelming and frightening.
We can talk to other families or read about others’ Deschooling and Unschooling experiences and that can DEFINITELY be helpful, but invariably our lives and our children will present unique challenges.
Rather than relying on “external” answers from others or clinging to yet another educational or parenting “dogma,” I’ve found that turning inward (and helping our kids do the same) is a MUCH more effective and efficient approach to creating the life we envision.
The Desire Map facilitates this process of turning inward.
It helps us dig deep to uncover the core desired feelings that we are hoping Unschooling will give us. It helps us figure out how to USE our core desired feelings to guide our daily plans, to-do lists and actions.
And the good news is that when we let our feelings guide our daily actions, we actually accomplish our REAL goals (those feelings) RIGHT AWAY! We don’t have to wait until we are “full fledged Unschoolers” or “perfect” parents to feel the way we want to feel. We can feel that way NOW – even if it’s just in small, fleeting moments at first – we achieve “success” WAY before the grand goal is achieved. And we can build on those small successes to feel the way we WANT to feel more and more and more often as the days go by.
As we use this process we find that we have to look outside of ourselves less and less for advice and guidance. We HAVE the guidance we need – inside each one of us – and we can access it at any time in the form or our feelings. When issues come up with Unschooling or parenting or anything else in life, we have a tool to figure out the next steps that are RIGHT for ourselves and our families.
How do our kids benefit?
Well aside from just the general benefits of Unschooling and a more peaceful home, our kids learn from our example. As we learn to access the inner guidance of our feelings, and begin to use them more and more to make decisions, our kids see us and learn how to do this as well.
(That is IF they even NEED to re-learn it – we are ALL born knowing how to do this, but it is trained out of most of us – and many of our kids need MUCH less help getting back to doing things this way).
As we learn to trust ourselves, it becomes easier and easier to trust our kids to guide their own lives and educations – even when the path they choose does not conform to societal and educational norms, timelines and expectations.
Now The Desire Map is certainly NOT the ONLY method of learning to access and use this inner guidance.
I’ve spent the last 14 years figuring out this process for myself to create the life and the feelings I desire. It CAN be done in many different ways by following many different processes. (Believe me! I’ve studied and pieced together MANY different philosophies to accomplish this!) 😉 But with The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte has created a nurturing and self-affirming process to peel back the layers of our desires and uncover what it is at our core that drives us. Then she helps us use these discoveries to guide our daily actions and ultimately accomplish our long term goals.
And once we’ve learned this Desire Map process, we can use it over and over as time goes on, as our desires grow and develop and as our family’s needs change.
So whether your goal is Unschooling or something else entirely, Desire Map can help us ALL dig down past our cultural conditioning of how “THEY” say we SHOULD be living, and find our core desired feelings that are telling us how to find a more authentic and enjoyable life – unique to each one of us!
If you’re interested in learning more about Radiant Living with The Desire Map, you can join our Facebook group for inspiration, to hear about my Desire Mapping process and to hear about upcoming Radiant Living with The Desire Map offerings.
Ask questions. Share your doubts and skepticism. Share your joys. Whatever feels good to share – share it!
I’m looking forward to what unfolds for all of us that decide to dive into this process! If you’re drawn to The Desire Map at all, check it out here and let me know what you think! (email me HERE or message me on Facebook HERE.)
Heaps of Love,